Thinking about getting back with your ex? You’re not alone. Whether it’s those lingering feelings, wondering if things would be different now, or just missing the companionship, the question, “Should I get back with my ex?” is one that crosses many people’s minds after a breakup.
For some, it’s about giving love a second chance, while others might simply miss the comfort of a relationship. No matter the reason, deciding to rekindle a past romance can be an emotional rollercoaster, filled with reflection, doubt, and hope.
In this guide, we’ll explore some key points to consider before taking the plunge. Whether it’s been a long time or you just recently split, here’s your friendly guide to making the best decision for your mental health, happiness, and future relationships.
Why Did You Break Up in the First Place?
Before you dive back into a relationship, take a minute to reflect on why things ended in the first place. It’s easy to romanticize the good times, especially after a breakup. But ask yourself: What were the real reasons we ended things?
Was it a big fight, infidelity, or something deeper, like a lack of trust? Or was it just bad timing? Maybe you were at different points in your lives and couldn’t make it work back then. Whatever it was, it’s important to be brutally honest with yourself about the breakup.
For example, if it was a long-distance relationship and now you’re in the same city, that might be a good reason to reconsider. But if the breakup involved toxic behavior, physical abuse, or repeated trust issues, those are clear red flags that getting back together might not be the best choice.
Have You Both Grown and Changed?
People can change, and time apart can give you both the chance to grow. But have you both taken that opportunity? Before considering getting back together, ask yourself: Have we both worked on ourselves?
Sometimes breakups provide the space for personal growth. Maybe you’ve worked on communication skills or spent time figuring out what you truly need from a relationship. If you’ve both taken the time to heal, reflect, and grow, then maybe a second chance could work.
However, if neither of you has done the hard work to address the issues that caused the breakup, you might find yourselves stuck in the same cycle of problems. And let’s face it—those on-again-off-again relationships can be emotionally exhausting.
Are You Wanting to Get Back for the Right Reasons?
Let’s get real—before you send that late-night text or reach out on social media, ask yourself: Why do I want to get back together?
Here’s a quick checklist: Good reasons:
- You’ve both grown and are willing to work on the relationship.
- You still have strong feelings for each other and believe in each other’s growth.
- External factors that once caused problems (like distance) are no longer an issue.
- You’re both ready to rebuild trust and work on past issues.
Not-so-good reasons:
- You’re feeling lonely and just want to fill the void.
- You miss the routine of a relationship but not necessarily the person.
- You’re afraid of starting over or not finding new people.
- Friends are encouraging you to get back together, even though you’re unsure.
Jumping back into a relationship out of loneliness, fear, or nostalgia is rarely a good idea. Make sure your decision is based on mutual growth, respect, and a desire to build something stronger.
Is Your Ex Interested in Getting Back Together?
It’s one thing to think about getting back with your ex, but it’s also important to consider whether they feel the same way. Have they shown signs of wanting to reconnect?
Maybe they’ve been reaching out more, reminiscing about the good times, or suggesting that you hang out. These could be signs that they’re open to giving the relationship another shot.
However, if your ex seems to be moving on—meeting new people or even starting a new relationship—it’s important to respect their decision and let them go. Pushing for a reunion when they’ve moved on could create unnecessary tension and hurt feelings.
Have You Had Enough Time Apart?
Sometimes the best way to figure out if getting back together is the right decision is by giving yourselves some time and space. Have you had time to reflect on the breakup?
Taking a break—often referred to as the no contact rule—can help both of you gain clarity and focus on your own lives. This time apart allows you to heal, grow, and decide if getting back together is truly the best option, or if you’re better off moving forward separately.
Distance can reveal a lot. Sometimes it makes you realize the relationship wasn’t right for you, and other times it makes you realize it was true love all along. Either way, giving yourself time to think is key.
Have You Healed From the Breakup?
Breakups are painful, and it’s important to make sure both of you have healed before considering getting back together. Have you forgiven your ex for the mistakes they made? Or are you still holding onto anger and resentment?
Healing takes time, and jumping back into a relationship too quickly can bring unresolved feelings to the surface, making things even more complicated. If you’re still struggling with the pain of the breakup, it might be a good idea to seek the help of a therapist to work through those feelings.
Remember, a healthy relationship can’t grow if both of you haven’t let go of the past.
Can You Trust Your Ex Again?
Let’s talk about trust. If your breakup involved infidelity, dishonesty, or a lack of trust, you’ll need to ask yourself: Can I trust this person again?
Rebuilding trust takes time, commitment, and hard work from both of you. If you don’t feel confident that trust can be fully restored, it’s probably best not to rush into a reunion.
Are You Ready for a Stable Relationship This Time?
It’s important to assess whether both of you are ready for a serious relationship this time around. Are you in a better place emotionally, mentally, and physically?
Sometimes, the first time around, you or your ex just weren’t ready for the commitment. But if now you’ve both grown, reflected, and are ready to make it work, there might be a real opportunity to create a stable, loving relationship.
Is the Emotional Connection Still There?
You might be thinking logically about whether to get back together, but emotions matter too. Do you still have strong feelings for each other? Do you feel that emotional connection that made the relationship special?
Sometimes, even after a long time apart, that emotional bond can still be strong. But if the connection has faded, it might be a sign that it’s time to move on.
Are You Both Willing to Put in the Work?
Let’s face it—relationships require effort. And when you’re considering getting back with an ex, it can take even more work. Are you both willing to put in the time and energy to fix what went wrong the first time?
If the answer is yes, and you’re both ready to rebuild trust and improve communication, there’s a good chance it could work. But if one of you isn’t fully committed, it might be time to let it go.
Can You Handle the Opinions of Others?
When you decide to get back with your ex, you might get mixed reactions from friends and family. Some might be supportive, while others might remind you of why things ended in the first place.
At the end of the day, it’s your relationship, and only you know the full story. The best advice? Make the decision based on what’s right for you, not what others think.
Have You Thought About Couples Therapy?
If you’re still on the fence, couples therapy might be a great way to get clarity. A qualified therapist can help you and your ex navigate the challenges of reconnecting, work through unresolved issues, and rebuild trust in a safe, supportive environment.
Therapy can also give you the tools to improve communication and ensure that you’re both on the same page moving forward.
Final Thoughts: Is Getting Back with Your Ex the Right Decision?
Deciding whether to get back with your ex is a deeply personal choice, and it’s not one to be rushed. Take the time to reflect on your feelings, consider the red flags, and make sure both of you are willing to put in the work to make it a success.
If you’re still unsure or want to explore your thoughts and feelings further, it might help to talk to someone. At Perth Family Therapy, I’m here to guide you through these tough decisions. Feel free to reach out for an obligation-free 15-minute chat with Danni, and let’s figure out what’s best for you!