Trust is the foundation of any strong relationship. Whether it’s with a romantic partner, a family member, or a close friend, having trust creates a safe space where emotional intimacy, mutual respect, and love can grow. But when that trust is broken—whether through dishonesty, infidelity, or something like substance use—it can leave both people in the relationship feeling lost and hurt.
So, what do you do when trust is shattered? Rebuilding it isn’t easy, and it’s not something that happens overnight. It requires open communication, time, patience, and a commitment from both people to work through the pain. But the good news is that it is possible.
Let’s talk through some steps you can take to start healing and rebuilding trust, drawing insights from relationship experts like Dr. Shirley Glass, Dr. John Gottman, and Dr. Sue Johnson.
Acknowledge the Emotional Impact of Broken Trust
First things first—it’s important to recognize how deeply broken trust can hurt. When you’ve been betrayed, whether emotionally or physically, you’re likely feeling a whirlwind of emotions: anger, sadness, confusion, and a loss of intimacy. The person who’s been hurt might even start questioning everything—why did I trust them in the first place?
On the flip side, the person who’s broken the trust may feel overwhelmed with guilt and uncertainty about how to make things right. They may want to fix things but don’t know where to start.
It’s crucial for both partners to open their minds to each other’s pain. Understanding the emotional weight both are carrying is the first step toward healing. If both of you are willing to work together with empathy, you’re on the right track.
Take Responsibility for Your Actions
If you’re the one who has broken trust, this next part is key: take full responsibility for what happened. Avoid trying to shift the blame or minimize what happened—that will only make your partner feel more hurt. It’s important to acknowledge exactly what led to the loss of trust and be fully transparent about your commitment to change.
Genuinely expressing remorse can go a long way. Let your partner know that you understand the emotional pain they’ve been through because of your actions. For the person who was hurt, now is the time to speak up about what you need from your partner. Openly communicate your feelings, and allow your partner to show that they are genuinely sorry and want to make amends.
Engage in Honest, Open Communication
Communication is everything in the process of rebuilding trust. Both partners need to create a safe space where they can be open and honest about their feelings and concerns. I won’t sugarcoat it—these conversations can be really hard. But without open communication, it’s nearly impossible to rebuild the foundation of your relationship.
Ask each other open-ended questions to dig deeper into what caused the trust to break and how you can prevent it from happening again. For example, if the issue was infidelity, talk openly about what led to it and how you can rebuild emotional connection going forward.
The goal is to be transparent—no hidden feelings, no secrets. This creates an environment where both partners can rebuild trust step by step.
Commit to Rebuilding Emotional Intimacy
Trust and emotional intimacy go hand-in-hand. When trust is broken, it often leads to a loss of emotional closeness. That’s why it’s so important to actively work on restoring that intimacy as part of the healing process.
One way to do this is by spending quality time together. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant—just make time for each other through simple conversations, shared activities, or even quiet moments together. Building new, positive memories can help both of you feel more connected and start to repair the bond.
Also, make sure to work on your communication skills during this time. Active listening—really hearing and responding to your partner’s emotions—can help foster a healthier, more intimate relationship.
Don’t Be Afraid to Seek Professional Help
Sometimes, fixing a relationship after a breach of trust is just too difficult to do on your own. That’s okay! In these cases, professional help—like working with a couples therapist or relationship coach—can be incredibly valuable.
Therapists like Dr. Shirley Glass and Dr. John Gottman have done extensive work on how couples can rebuild trust after betrayal. A qualified therapist can help guide you through the tough times, address the deeper issues in your relationship, and give you tools to restore trust in a healthier, more effective way.
Remember, couples therapy isn’t just for those in crisis. It’s also for couples who want to strengthen their relationship and improve their communication. Don’t be afraid to reach out for support.
Patience is Key: Allow Time to Heal
Let’s be honest—rebuilding trust takes time. There’s no magic formula that will instantly repair the relationship. It’s a gradual process, and both partners need to be committed to putting in the work, even when things get hard.
Setbacks will happen, and that’s okay. The person who’s been hurt might still feel anger or sadness long after you think things have improved. The most important thing is to be patient with each other and to give the process the time it needs.
If both partners understand that this will take time and effort, it’s easier to manage expectations and stay motivated to heal.
Create Mutual Respect and Accountability
To rebuild trust, both partners need to show each other mutual respect and take accountability for their actions moving forward. For the person who’s broken the trust, this might involve creating specific steps to demonstrate that they’re committed to change.
For example, if dishonesty was the issue, one way to rebuild trust is to be more transparent with your actions—check-ins, open communication, and being clear about your intentions moving forward. If the issue was a loss of emotional connection, both partners might commit to spending more time together and actively working on the relationship.
Trust is a Two-Way Street
Trust isn’t just about one partner making up for their mistakes. It’s about both people working together to restore balance. While the person who broke the trust has a responsibility to make amends, the person who was hurt also plays a key role in the healing process.
This involves being willing to forgive and let go of past resentment. Holding onto those negative feelings won’t help the relationship move forward. Forgiveness doesn’t happen overnight—it takes time, patience, and a genuine desire to heal. But if both partners are willing to do the work, it’s possible to rebuild trust and create a stronger bond.
Set New Boundaries and Rules
Once trust has been broken, setting clear boundaries is essential to avoid repeating the same mistakes. These boundaries can help both partners feel secure and supported moving forward.
For example, if there was infidelity, you might agree on more transparency around who you’re spending time with. Or if dishonesty was the issue, you might agree to prioritize open communication moving forward. Setting these boundaries helps create an environment where trust can thrive again.
Focus on Personal Growth and Self-Reflection
Finally, rebuilding trust isn’t just about the relationship—it’s also about growing as individuals. Both partners should take the time for self-reflection to understand how their behaviours might have contributed to the loss of trust.
If you’re the one who broke the trust, focus on what personal issues led to the behaviour—whether it was dishonesty, emotional neglect, or something else. For the person who was hurt, reflect on what you need in a relationship and how you can communicate those needs moving forward.
By working on personal growth, both of you can become stronger individuals, which will only benefit the relationship in the long run.
Final Thoughts: Rebuilding Trust Takes Time, But It’s Worth It
Rebuilding trust after it’s been broken isn’t easy, but with patience, empathy, and a willingness to work through the pain, it’s absolutely possible. The journey requires open communication, mutual respect, and a commitment to personal growth.
If you’re ready to start rebuilding trust in your relationship, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. At Perth Family Therapy, I’m here to support you every step of the way. Contact Danni for an obligation-free 15-minute conversation, and let’s begin the journey to healing together.